I still have the paper.

It is a stained sheet of crumpled, lined loose-leaf paper covered in blue ink and the sloppy handwriting of a teenager desperately trying to be someone.

Before I started high school, my dad gave me Stephen Covey’s book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens. I read it and did my best to apply the principles. One of the habits is to begin with the end in mind, which requires setting goals and crafting some sort of mission statement. So I created eight goals and a mission statement made up of seven quotes.

My Goals

1. Get all A’s and B’s

2. Be up to 140 (pounds) by this time next year

3. Be able to start on varsity soccer next year

4. Have at least 10 points this hockey season

5. Not get in an argument with family members

6. Be able to always stand up for what I believe in

7. Try and help someone out every day

8. Try and make someone’s day as much as possible

Mission Statement

“Don’t hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting, but never hit soft.”

“Dreams don’t work unless you do.”

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not the absence of fear.”

“Some people succeed because they were destined to, but most people succeed because they are determined to.”

“All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them.”

“Never play not to lose; always play to win.”

“Failing to prepare is the same as preparing to fail.”

I had the goals written down and the path outlined. I made the sports teams. I had an incredible group of friends, and we were so tight that people referred to us as “the unit.” My parents supported me and gave me every opportunity to succeed. I dated the pretty cheerleader. It was the type of high school experience people dream of, and I look back on it with only the fondest memories, but underneath it all, I was unraveling.

Knowing that I wanted to be a Coast Guard pilot established a clear goal, but it also put a tremendous amount of pressure on me. I believed I was doing everything I could to set myself up for that future. Despite constant peer pressure, I never drank alcohol, did drugs, or went to parties. I was terrified I would get caught and lose my chance at going to the Academy. I got decent grades without having to try too hard. I had mostly A’s and some B’s and never took books home to study. I would cram to get my homework done during study hall, on the ride to school, or in the period before it was due. I got detention once and constantly disrupted class, but for the most part, I stayed out of trouble. I was even the vice president of the class, did community service, and did everything I thought I had to do to make it to the Coast Guard Academy.

I told anyone who would listen that I was going there, and for the most part, my teachers were supportive. Unfortunately, what stands out most are the ones who weren’t.

When I told my guidance counselor that the Coast Guard Academy was the only school I planned on applying to, she said, “You don’t have a great chance of getting in. You should probably consider applying to some other schools.”

Another time, an English teacher asked the class what colleges we were applying to. When I said the Coast Guard Academy, she said, “That’s very hard to get into. I’ve seen much stronger students than you not get accepted.”

I was destroyed, and doubt started to creep in.

Having a clear goal gave me much needed direction, but the thought of who I would be if I failed and didn’t reach that goal began haunting me. I believed that wanting something badly enough would make it happen, but I was starting to realize I was falling short.